🔗 Share this article

The program for the John F. Kennedy Center in the nation's capital highlights a lighthearted dual-language show and an improvised Shakespeare troupe. Notably missing from the advertised events is this week's Geopolitics World Cup draw, presumably because it is a exclusively closed-door gathering. Planners appear determined to keep out any uninvited attendees from gaining entry at what threatens to be an drawn-out, self-congratulatory procession where well-paid luminaries will undoubtedly repeat the well-worn cliche that "football brings together the world."

A Star-Studded Line-Up

A glamorous event is scheduled to be emceed by former model and TV host Heidi Klum and diminutive American comedian and actor Kevin Hart. Joining the star power will be gridiron legend Eli Manning on red-carpet details and actor Danny Ramirez as a roaming reporter. Together, they will preside over a ceremony that will certainly have British football fans of a certain age longing for the simpler, pomp-free days of Graham Taylor, FA officials, the old draw system and a reliable velvet bag of wooden, lottery balls.

Set to last almost three grueling hours, the show will feature a seemingly endless agenda of speechifying, saccharine video montages, pre-vetted gags, famous faces, performances from acts with perhaps little shame or enormous tax bills, and then... at last, the real World Cup draw.

Athletic Greats on Draw Detail

Included in those helping to conducting the ceremony? NBA giant Shaquille O'Neal, hockey great Wayne Gretzky, NFL star Tom Brady and baseball slugger Aaron Judge, all selecting balls under the watchful eye of ex-footballer Rio Ferdinand. Considering the considerable, untapped reservoir of personality possessed by these ageing sporting legends, barring an armed security team storming the ceremony, it's hard to envision what could possibly go wrong.

Actually, not much, if the insensitive justification of FIFA's widely reported World Cup exorbitant ticket pricing mounted by an obsequious English yes-man is any sort of indicator. Upon being questioned if tickets should be more accessible for average fans, the response was vague. "I think we have to be aware of that and I think FIFA are definitely people that are conscious of that," was the comment. "But listen, I think we can look at every industry, every area, we could have that discussion about things," he added. The implication appeared that premium costs are acceptable when contrasted with other luxury goods.

The Actual Draw

With 42 nations already qualified for next summer's jamboree and six more due to join, there will be a genuine feeling of giddiness once the preliminaries conclude and the main draw gets under way. But as fans across the globe wait with great anticipation to see which three nations their own country will play in the group stages, the anticipation pales in comparison to that which precedes the announcement of the recipient of FIFA's inaugural peace prize for "people who help bring together people in peace through steadfast commitment and notable deeds." Considering the draw is in Washington and the World Cup is primarily in the United States, guesses about the winner are widespread, even if the hints are there.

"I have no worries at the moment. I was speaking to the chairman today. My connection with him is very strong really. I have a truly transparent and frank relationship. So regarding my job in that sense I have absolutely no worries whatsoever" – a statement from a coach with a team on a five-match losing streak, providing a classic remark likely to be revisited should a dismissal occur in the future.

Fan Correspondence

• "Regarding the discussion of a possible club named Kevin... there is an exciting Brazilian winger named Kevin at a Premier League club who cost north of £30m. Perhaps Kevin could be persuaded to purchase a Highland League club and rename it after himself."
• "Going to local games in the 80s/90s, when the opponent was 'Keith', the reply was: 'What, on his own?'"
• "I stopped reading after nine words. 'Comprised of'! What was the thought process? To comprise means to consist of. So to comprise of means to consist of of. The extra 'of' is as redundant as an extra official."
• "There is apprehension ahead of FIFA's Global Tombola: just what memorable tune will a famous group come up with if a political figure refuses to leave the stage, thereby necessitating an encore?"